Inspired by Top Ten Myths about Gurus :
10. Your sysadmin knows what's best for you.
Not that you ever listen. My god, you're using Outlook and Exchange
for email, and everything bad that he told you would happen has
happened, and you still keep using them.
9. Your sysadmin can read your mind.
It's like reading one of those filler pages in an IBM manual. "This
mind intentionally left blank."
8. Your sysadmin doesn't feel pain.
Well, actually, your sysadmin often feels like his brain is being
bathed in acid and his eyeballs are being eaten by fire ants, but the
result is that his pain threshold is much, much higher than yours.
Wanna do a comparison test?
7. Your sysadmin knows all your past lives.
You were a worm crushed by a rock, then another worm crushed by the
same rock, then yet another worm crushed by that same rock yet again,
and now you get reincarnated in a human body? What the hell is wrong
with karma?
6. Your sysadmin knows your future.
Notice the rock that your sysadmin is idly tossing from hand to hand.
It looks somehow familiar and arouses a feeling of anxiety.
5. Your sysadmin knows everything.
That's why his brain feels like it's being bathed in acid.
4. Your sysadmin has no desires.
He wouldn't mind having one of those quad-Opteron servers. And a
twinkie. And some scotch. But by now he's given up on getting any
of the things he ever wanted, especially a life.
3. Your sysadmin is the avatar.
You think of the Internet as some kind of vast powerful all-knowing
nonphysical entity, and here he is representing it to you as a
physical being. Especially the nastiness of it.
2. Your sysadmin is divine.
Who else can read your email and change your quota? Certainly not
your puny god.
1. Your sysadmin can enlighten with a touch.
You need some powerful enlightenment, and that requires the powerful
touch of a blunt, heavy object. Like this rock. Hold still.
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